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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25556887">Having and Holding</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheendav/pseuds/sheendav'>sheendav</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Scenes from the South Downs [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aziraphale Has Self-Esteem Issues (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has Weight Issues (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Gentleness, Intimacy, Light Angst, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, South Downs Cottage (Good Omens), Talking, Tenderness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 08:14:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,023</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25556887</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheendav/pseuds/sheendav</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Aziraphale has a very specific bedtime request... one he fears Crowley will take the wrong way...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale &amp; Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Scenes from the South Downs [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1848463</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>151</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Having and Holding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/21443305">Introduction to Touch</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheendav/pseuds/sheendav">sheendav</a>.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A collection of one-offs from Crowley and Aziraphale's life in the South Downs, written in the same universe as 'Introduction to Touch' by the same author. It is not 100% necessary to read that story beforehand, but all of these little tales make more sense if you know the history of touch created for them in that original core story. The most important thing to know is that Aziraphale is deeply insecure about sex, touch and his body. By the time they get to the South Downs, the Angel's confidence is slowly building and these one-offs will show the growth of that confidence.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Their bedtime routines have changed very little since moving to the cottage… not that this is a disappointment to Crowley. </p><p>The Angel will nearly always change into pajamas and spend the evening hours in bed with his Demon.  Usually he reads, sometimes he writes in a well-loved leather-bound journal in his exquisite handwriting.  Occasionally he will cuddle Crowley and allow himself to drift off. Every once in a while, he will even sleep later than the Demon, giving Crowley a much-appreciated chance to be the one to bring in the morning tea and toast as the sunlight illuminates Aziraphale's platinum locks. </p><p>Crowley, great lover of sleep that he is, will usually watch a few silly videos on his phone while the Angel pets his hair, drift off, feel the Angel take the phone out of his hand, lean up for one more goodnight kiss and then roll over to sleep.  Sometimes if he feels especially restless, he'll ask Aziraphale to read to him until he falls asleep.  He pretends that it annoys him when the Angel uses different voices for the characters when he's reading fiction, but secretly it just makes Crowley feel gooey and fond, drifting off to sleep with the feel of his lips curled upwards in a smile. </p><p>And of course, there is often lovemaking of some kind…</p><p>They do not limit this category of activity to bedtime, in fact if they have any preference at all since moving to the South Downs the bulk of the lovemaking happens in the afternoons… between the day's activities and the quiet evening meals. It is often something they discuss ahead of time, as the Angel remains skittish about complete spontaneity when it comes to sexual touch.  Aziraphale loves Crowley deeply, and genuinely loves to touch him and be touched by him, but he is working his way through millennia of repression and general fear of his own sexuality; something that came with his corporeal form but with no instruction manual for how to use it on Earth. </p><p>Crowley is his first everything, and while the Demon knows Aziraphale trusts him, the Angel can sometimes erupt into intense anxiety about any kind of touch, sexual or otherwise, between them.  He's made so very many leaps forward… even surprising Crowley a few weeks back in the greenhouse with some very pleasurable ideas on how to relieve the Demon's own stress… but their typical preliminary actions when it comes to sexual expression involve requests face to face, and at least a basic outline of what they plan to do before it happens.    </p><p>The Demon is fine with this.  Genuinely.  Less than a year ago he would never have imagined their life would be what it is now.  Less than a year ago he thought he'd lost Aziraphale forever in a burning bookshop.  If all the Angel had ever wanted was to hold hands and end there, Crowley would have been grateful.  Every step beyond that, no matter how it has to happen, will be amenable to him.  He loves Aziraphale.  He wants him… the ways in which the Angel will let the Demon have him are entirely in Aziraphale's court. </p><p>There was no discussion of lovemaking of any kind on this particular day… they had been quite busy with some preliminary planning for their vegetable garden, so here they are in bed with Crowley happily watching silly cat videos on his phone and the Angel reading something by one of the Bronte sisters. No plans in place. </p><p>The Demon is just beginning to nod off, when he notices a slight tremble in the hand that is currently buried in his auburn hair.  At first he does nothing, just making sure he's feeling what he thinks he's feeling.  The Angel's anxiety often manifests first and foremost in a tell-tale tremble in his soft strong hands.  Something Crowley noticed even before their relationship became romantic. Sure enough, the hand in his hair continues to tremble and so he clicks off his phone and perks his head up to see the Angel's gaze darting away from him, as if Aziraphale is pretending that he wasn't looking at Crowley just now. </p><p>Crowley notices that the Angel's eyes have a bit of nerves residing in them, and so he flashes one of his best smiles in an effort to make Aziraphale more comfortable with expressing whatever it is he's worrying about.  "Hello, Angel." </p><p>Aziraphale's expression melts a little as he endeavors to return the warmth of his fiancé's smile. "Oh… Hello, dear…" </p><p>"Something the matter?  You seem a little worried about something…" </p><p>"Um… well… not worried so much as… um… I wanted to… oh this is so ridiculous… I'm ridiculous Crowley…" </p><p>The Demon sits up and reaches out his hand which the Angel doesn't hesitate to take.  "Ridiculous is in the same family as 'silly' Angel and you know that's a word I won't stand for." </p><p>Aziraphale sighs and melts a little more; but the tremble remains, so Crowley knows the Angel is genuinely worried about the subject he wants to bring up.</p><p>"You're sweet my dear… um… you're also right… I need to stop describing myself in those ways.  I um… well I have a request and it's one we didn't talk about earlier today… and it's quite specific and I suppose I'm just worried about how you'll feel about the idea and… oh…" </p><p>With his free hand, the Angel begins rubbing the fabric of his white silk pajama top between his thumb and forefinger, another tell of his anxiety.  Crowley remains calm and maintains eye contact, ready for whatever Aziraphale is ready to tell him.  "Hey now, Angel… you know you can ask me anything… and specificity is more than fine… big fan of specificity, me. I'm just worried that you're so… well, worried about asking…" </p><p>"I WANT US TO CUDDLE WITH OUR CLOTHES OFF!  OH!" Both of the Angel's hands fly to his mouth and clamp themselves over it, shocked at his own honesty.  It's one of Crowley's favorite things that the Angel does.  Aziraphale takes many leaps in their physical relationship but is almost always so deeply embarrassed the first time he asks for something from Crowley.  It's wonderful and lovely and part of Crowley hopes it never stops because it is just so blessedly cute. </p><p>The Demon wants to laugh but doesn't… instead he does what he usually does in these situations; smiles warmly and leans over to kiss the hands that are still held against the Angel's mouth, which almost always causes said hands to lower.  This time is no different. </p><p>"Angel… that sounds lovely… we can do that.  We've certainly done that before…"</p><p>"Well, yes but… um… I guess I… oh I hope this makes sense…" </p><p>"Take your time Angel… we have plenty of it these days." </p><p>Aziraphale smiles and some of his nerves do indeed leave his eyes as he begins to describe to Crowley in detail what he wants.  "Well… I um… I want to feel you Crowley.  One of… well... one of my favorite parts of us making love is when we hold each other… you know… afterwards.  I guess I was wondering if we could… um… do that part… but without the parts that usually come before that.  Not that I don't love when we do those other things my dear!  I hope you don't think I'm saying I don't… I just…" </p><p>Crowley brings his hand up to cup the side of Aziraphale's face, his fingertips gently scratching at the back of his neck in comfort.  He knows and understands exactly what the Angel is asking, and also understands why he was worried about making the request.  Crowley has a great deal of understanding about sexuality with these human bodies… temptations and other demonic practices of his past made it impossible for him not to… but he also has an understanding of what humans often fret about in relationships, and tries to use that knowledge to ease his Angel through these valleys they fall into; even if a relationship of this kind is entirely new to him as well. </p><p>"Angel, you know it's ok to not want sex or sexual things to happen all the time?  Right?  You know it's ok for us to be intimate without getting our efforts involved in the situation?" </p><p>Aziraphale relaxes into the touch of Crowley's hand against his cheek, and the Demon's own anxiety begins to wane in tandem.  "I think I know that dear… it's just… well… unless we're bathing together, we never really take off our clothes without… um… activities involving our efforts happening as well.  And I guess tonight I'm just… um…" </p><p>"Not in the mood?  It's ok Angel… it truly is… there are so many factors that play into that kind of desire. Look, you know I think you're gorgeous…" </p><p>Aziraphale's cheeks redden almost instantly… he continues to struggle with his body image to the point where he doesn't always fully believe how attracted to him Crowley is. </p><p>The Demon continues, "… but if all you want is to cuddle up with our pajamas off I promise you I can control myself.  If I'm honest I'm pretty tired from today too… but you know it doesn't take too much convincing to get me to get close to you." </p><p>The Angel still looks a little uncertain but doesn't break from Crowley's gaze.  "I just… I want you to know how much I love our intimate moments… and I want them to continue to grow as I get more comfortable… but for tonight, all I want is to just… feel your body against mine…. It's a feeling I love so very very much.  It… well… comforts me… makes me feel very wonderfully close to you, and not just physically." </p><p>Crowley has had moments in the last few months where he's really and truly thought he might die from the aching sweetness in his chest.  Aziraphale knows how to break him apart from the inside without even trying.  But he steadies himself, giving the Angel a quick peck on the nose before replying, "I can't think of a better intimate moment for us to share right now than what you just described Angel.  I love you… do you want to undress yourself or for me to do it for you?" </p><p>The Angel takes a deep breath and then beams at him, lifting his hand and holding it in position to snap his fingers and banish their pajamas elsewhere.  Crowley can't help but chuckle and nod his permission.  With that, the Angel snaps, the clothes are gone, and like two magnets they move towards each other.</p><p>Legs weave together, the sole of the Angel's left foot caresses the top of Crowley's right, the points of Crowley's hips find the soft swells of the Angel's middle to dock into, an angelic head rests itself against his chest and snuffles a little over the red hairs against his nose, a demonic face buries itself in a halo of platinum curls, and hands and arms come around and tuck and squeeze and fit wherever they can to form the perfect cuddle.  </p><p>Their bodies are so warm, sharp and soft in different places, and despite the Angel's earlier worries, fully at rest and planning to stay that way… not to say there aren't lovely wonderful things happening as they continue to lie in bed unmoving from this divine embrace.  They continue to talk, and sigh, and kiss, and laugh, and scratch an itch the other can't reach, and disagree on which vegetables to plant later in the spring, and ask 'can you look at this bump on my shoulder and tell me if I need to worry about it?'… and it's so clearly exactly what Aziraphale wanted as he fully relaxes against his fiancé, and something Crowley didn't even fully realize until this exact moment that he needed too.  </p><p>Eventually they will both fall asleep, wake in the morning momentarily confused about where their pajamas went, and then settle against each other with sweet smiles, remembering the shared intimacy of the night before carrying forward into the morning.</p>
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